Who's in this Nest? Sarah Winnicki and prairie nestling ecology

Hello All!!! It is time for another FANTASTIC WOMAN SCIENTIST!!! 
Today, we are learning about the Master's student in the Kansas State University Division of Biology, studying the evolutionary ecology of host nestling growth and development in response to brood parasitism in songbirds- Sarah Winnicki!!!!

Sarah Winnicki with adult grasshopper sparrow. Photo by Emily Williams.

Sarah studies a unique interaction between two bird species.

In simple terms, what is your job?​
​I am a graduate student teaching folks about birds and studying the way baby birds grow up and develop into adults in the face of threats. During the school year, I take graduate classes, teach undergraduates, and analyze data. During the summer, I spend seven days a week at the beautiful Konza Prairie Biological Station in Northeast Kansas (Central USA), catching adult sparrows and putting plastic color bands on their legs, surveying study units to re-sight our marked sparrows, searching for nests of my three songbird study hosts (Grasshopper Sparrows, Eastern Meadowlarks, and Dickcissels), monitoring nests, measuring babies as they grow up, and taking vegetation measurements around the nests.

​What are you currently working on? 
Right now, I am finishing up some of my undergraduate REU work--preparing a manuscript on the ecological drivers of male Grasshopper Sparrow territory density (basically, why do these birds form big clusters on the prairie, and why are those clusters beneficial in some years but not in other years?). I am collecting my second year of data for my master’s thesis, for which I am studying the effect of food predation risk, and Brown-headed Cowbird brood parasitism (these birds lay their eggs in other birds’ nests and let the hosts raise the young!) on the growth and development of three grassland songbird species: Grasshopper Sparrows, Eastern Meadowlarks, and Dickcissels. On a day-to-day basis, this means I  get to spend the mornings out on the lovely Konza Prairie Biological Station (outside Manhattan, Kansas, USA), looking for bird nests and measuring babies as they grow up!

Where are you working now?
Kansas State University Division of Biology (Manhattan, KS, USA, the "Little Apple") and the Konza Prairie Biological Station in Northeast Kansas, USA (an amazing National Science Foundation Long-Term Ecological Research (LTER) site)

Konza Prairie. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

Tell us about your educational path so far. 
I received my Bachelors of Science degree in Biology and a Bachelors of Arts degree in History from Denison University (Granville, Ohio, USA) in 2016. While at Denison, I spent a few summers doing research through REU (Research Experience for Undergraduates) programs--at the Ohio State University's Stone Laboratory in 2013 and at Kansas State University in 2014 and 2015. In 2016 I officially joined the lab of Dr. Alice Boyle (who had overseen my REU projects) as a graduate student. I hope to graduate from Kansas State University with a master’s degree in Biology in 2019 and continue on to a PhD program.

baby Grasshopper sparrow. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

​What is your favorite part of your job?
I can't pick one! I love working with my crews of undergraduate researchers-- training new students to be field biologists is always a rewarding experience. I love outreach and science communication, especially if it means talking to folks who wouldn't otherwise be learning about my birds. I find a lot of joy in writing/running code for the statistical analyses that we perform, especially when the end result is a meaningful answer to one of our many questions about the birds we study. But perhaps most of all I adore the prairie and its birds, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to be out there studying them all summer long!

What is your least favorite part of your job?
Doing field work is a lot of hard physical work! The prairie is gorgeous, but it is also hot (up to 40 C/100 F), hilly, sunny, windy, and full of ticks and chiggers. We try to maximize the number of hours we work while the birds are present, so some weeks I may work as many as 100 hours.

What is your motivation?
Studying the behavior of these secretive birds as they care for their young is my dream job. I am genuinely curious about why these birds do the things they do. Because I love them so much I am also very invested in their conservation. The tallgrass prairie in which I research is one of the most threatened ecosystems on earth (only about 4% of the tallgrass prairie in the USA still remains), so the birds I study are also threatened. Researching these birds gives us the tools to better manage the prairies to help the birds, but simply having the tools is worthless if no one cares to implement them. With that in mind, I am also very passionate about reaching out to people, to educate them about my prairie birds and convince them to love these little birdies as much as I do.

Sarah Winnicki and Dr. Alice Boyle. Photo by Dr. Alice Boyle

Did you have a mentor? If you did, how did you and that mentor come to work together?
I have had a few amazing mentors. As a teen I spent a lot of time with the Ohio Young Birders Club, led by amazing mentors like Kenn and Kim Kaufman, who taught me to use my passion to affect real change through outreach and action. My undergraduate advisor, Dr. Thomas Schultz, turned my passion for bird research into a career by talking me through research opportunities, cool natural history stories, and emotional breakdowns. I first met Dr. Schultz when I asked the professor teaching my introductory biology course to be my academic advisor. He said no, but only because he knew that Dr. Schultz's interest in animal behavior and communication would better suit my career choice. Without Dr. Schultz, I wouldn't have received my first research opportunities, been as involved with science communication/outreach, or made it through some really rough points in undergrad. Finally, my career has been significantly guided by my current graduate advisor, Dr. Alice Boyle. I joined Dr. Boyle's lab as an undergraduate research student in 2014. The program was only supposed to last ten weeks, so to be honest I wasn't too fussed about the subject matter--sparrows in Kansas seemed about as boring as possible (the brownest birds in the flattest state!), but I didn't think I would end up making it the cornerstone of my career thus far. Dr. Boyle really pushed me to my limit, driving me to do the best science I possibly could while also giving me the freedom to pursue the questions I wanted to ask. At the end of the ten-week program I convinced Dr. Boyle to let me take blood samples back to Denison to continue a genetic analysis. Then I convinced her to let me come back for another summer. Then as a graduate student. Over the last five years, we have pursued a variety of neat research questions, designed new techniques/protocols, explored all sorts of science communication/outreach opportunities, and went on some pretty ridiculous birding adventures.

Can you give us a basic rundown of how a project is conducted? (From the idea to the end)
​Dr. Boyle has taught me to really focus on the beginning steps of the project, since more often than not I want to jump right in to data collection as soon as I think of a fun idea. Instead, we think of a neat question about birds, then think through the question as a lab. Why do these birds put their territories in clumps when they could spread them out evenly? Why do some of these nestlings leave the nest earlier than others? We brainstorm together, drawing on our diversity of experiences and opinions. We delve into the published literature, looking for other examples of these natural phenomena or of researchers who have asked these questions. We query our colleagues or other scientists (often over Twitter). As a lab, we think of hypotheses that might explain how or why the behavior evolved and build matrices of predictions that would show support for or against the hypotheses. We pick some predictions and figure out how feasible they would be to test. Is it possible to do this without disturbing the birds? With our budget? If we don't have the money, we search for grants to get more. We seek out other scientists who have done similar experiments for advice and protocols. We write permits and go through health and safety training. We buy the equipment, often testing it in our backyards and offices. We build collaborations with researchers in other areas to gather more data. We hire students to help us collect the data. When everything is ready to go we hit the field, collecting the data following our protocols but always being ready to adjust when the unexpected happens (my project has been affected by drought, cattle chewing cameras up, my breaking a foot, flat tires, broken shovels, smashed GPS units, lost phones and truck keys, stolen equipment, and more). In addition to data, we collect what is necessary to help us best communicate our science (photos, videos, interviews with technicians, etc.). We write all our data on paper sheets, bring them back to the lab, and enter them in a giant database. We double check the data, then format it for different analyses. We write the code to run the analyses, often turning to collaborators and other scientists to teach us techniques we have not yet learned. We bring our analyses to professional conferences and forums, seeking advice and feedback. We write up professional manuscripts to share our data with scientists and send those manuscripts off for review. Throughout all the stages, we try to foster communication with other professionals, with non-scientists, and especially with students, to teach them about our work and to learn from their perspective! At the end of a project, we often end up with more questions than answers, so the process starts all over again!

Field equipment & camera parts. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

What kind of gear do you use to do your job?
​We use a delightful mix of expensive high-end equipment and items you can buy at a craft store. To find birds we use fancy binoculars, spotting scopes, cameras, and gps units. To catch them we use specific hand-made nets. We use calipers, wing rules, and precise scales to measure nestlings. We place expensive temperature loggers in the nest cup and fancy VHF radio telemetry backpacks on birds we want to follow. We have a quantitative magnetic resonance machine (an MRI-like machine to take internal scans of live birds) that we haul out to the prairie in a trailer. Our lab is filled with extremely expensive centrifuges, thermal cyclers for genetic analyses, and machines to assay metabolites. On the other hand, we drive out to the prairie in an old truck with 300,000 miles and only half-working features. We measure vegetation with pieces of PVC pipe I bought from Menards and cut in a basement. We store blood sample tubes in modelling clay filled lunch boxes. We record nests with cameras we built ourselves using cheap security cams, tv cables, DVRs from the 1990s, boat batteries, and USB cords. I keep my pockets full of duct tape. We find nests by dragging a giant rope across the prairie and looking for the birds leaving their nests. 

Do you have a favorite tool that works as a lucky charm? (favorite book, shovel, piece of clothing, etc.)
A couple! To hide a camera at a nest, we have to bury a long cord (we put the camera itself right next to the nest, then run the cord underground until we are far enough away from the nest to place a large box with the DVR and batteries). This looked easy on paper, but we soon realized that digging in the rocky soil was awful. We broke hoes, shovels, tools specifically made for burying wire, trowels, etc. We finally found "garden knives," a simple sharp trowel that can cut through thick plant roots quickly and help us get the wire in the ground. We own at least eight now, and I never go to the prairie without one. I am also always carrying my camera. It is a small bridge camera (a Canon Powershot) with a good zoom lens, which allows me to see birds at a distance without carrying a heavy spotting scope. Plus, that means I always have a camera on me, so I can take photos of everything in the prairie!

Dickcissel nest with one cowbird parasite egg. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

​Can you give us a broad picture of how your time is spent at work?
​It depends on the time of year! During the semester, I take one to three classes, spending 10-20 hours or so a week either in class or working on class work. I spend another 10-20 hours preparing materials for the classes I help teach and helping students. The rest of the time I spend working on research and science communication, resulting in 50-70-hour work weeks. The birds I study are only in Kansas from April until August, so we maximize the amount of data we collect by working a lot of hours in the field during those months! My crew works six days a week, spending 8-10 hours on the prairie and a couple hours in the lab each day. I work an additional 4 hours or so a day planning our work, fixing equipment, and managing data, plus I work outside on Sundays. During the summer I will work anywhere from 70-100 hours a week. I don't like to say that field work doesn't feel like work because it certainly does (it is physically exhausting, plus I need to be up at 4 AM every day!), but I love being on the prairie so much that the long hours in the summer definitely feel shorter than those during the rest of the year!

Who is someone you admire in your field? Why?
There are scores of famous scientists that I admire (like Dr. Rosemary Grant, whose work on the evolution of Darwin's Finches was important enough to inspire the book The Beak of the Finch, yet who wasn't above skyping my Ornithology class), but I am most often inspired by the folks I work with every day. My crew of field technicians put in amazingly long hours doing very hard physical work, all for the joy of studying these birds. My students work hard to overcome all the stressors in college (and life!) yet still manage to remember the obscure bird facts I throw at them. Dr. Boyle pursues amazing hypothesis-driven research while managing a diverse lab and guiding my personal and professional growth. Young professionals like my former lab mate Emily Williams and my friends Auriel Fournier and Jordan Rutter continually show me how to be a courageous and productive scientist and science communicator. It really is wonderful being part of a large community of passionate and dedicated researchers to call upon for collaborations, help, and inspiration!

Who were your biggest supporters? 
​ I have had amazing support from my mentors (Dr. Boyle especially), my amazing lab mates/crew members, my committee members, my family members (especially my mom Amy and my dad Tim), and my extended birding family (especially the amazing folks at the Black Swamp Bird Observatory in Northwest Ohio). Doing good science requires a whole bunch of support (for me anyway).

How did you handle situations when people underestimated you?
I am a competitive person by nature, so I generally thrive such situations! Proving that I am better than people think can consume me and has led me to many of my significant achievements in the classroom and with research. My biggest detractor is rarely someone underestimating me--it is normally my own self-doubt.

Grasshopper Sparrow. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

What are the parts about being a scientist that you didn’t expect?
I wear lab coats way less often than I thought I would! But, seriously, I guess the most unexpected part of my work thus far is how much odd knowledge I've had to acquire. Sure, I knew birds, but I didn't know how to program 20-year-old DVRs in nest cameras, or change a truck tire, or use craft supplies to store blood samples. I really appreciate how much learning is required beyond just the scientific facts.

What do you find MOST frustrating about your work?
​The physical labor can be a pain (10-km hikes with 50 pounds of equipment in 100-degree F heat!) and field equipment can stop working at any point! It is really frustrating to spend hours putting recording devices out in the prairie (burying the cords in the stony ground), only to have the equipment malfunction and collect no data! 

​Were there times you wanted to give up? How did you push through?
Definitely! Science (and life in general) is often hard, frustrating work! I push through by giving myself little goals. Do this analysis, and then you get to work on something more fun. Set up this nest camera, then you can take the crew out for ice cream. Focus on this paper for an hour, then wander around campus for a bit and play Pokemon Go. Sometimes the bar can get ridiculously low. Get out of bed today, and you can have dessert for breakfast. Write that stressful email, then watch a short YouTube video. Whatever it takes. Baby steps add up! 

A question from 11-year-old Sarah- Do you get paid for being a scientist? In other words, how do you get paid for what you do? (If you are a student and working, tell us about that)
I am very lucky to (currently) be funded by the National Science Foundation's Graduate Research Fellowship Program, which pays my tuition and a generous stipend. My research project is funded through the NSF and through lots of smaller grants from supporters like the Sunset Zoo (Manhattan KS), the Kansas Ornithological Society, Sigma Xi, and the Southwestern Association of Naturalists. I still can't believe that I am getting paid to do what I love (for now at least)!

What are the big awards given for your job?
The most important awards for my research are grants--money to fund my projects! Grants are always competitive, but getting one is a real rush because it means that someone thought your research was awesome and worthy of their money. For me, though, teaching awards are almost as important-- I really want to become the type of teacher that is known for their good work with students!

How important is getting grant money?
Very! Science costs a lot of money-- not only do you have to buy equipment, but you have to pay salaries and site fees and fill up your gas tanks! Applying for grants can be stressful because money is always tight, but it can also be very rewarding because it really helps me iron out the importance of my work. Plus, when you get a grant it is always affirming because it means that someone else agrees that your work is important!

Can you give us an example of handling a bad situation well?
Accidents happen in fieldwork all the time. $300 GPS? Left on the bumper of a truck that drove away and smashed by traffic. $2000 scope? Broken when a tech slid down an embankment. Truck keys? Lost permanently in the deep prairie grass. It is easy to be angry, especially when grant money is tight or when the accident happened when someone was specifically ignoring the rules (like the time I got a vehicle stuck on a road that I wasn't supposed to be driving on). In my experience, these bad situations are best handled by simply accepting the fact that that is the job and moving on.

​If money were no issue, what project would u do?
​I love the project I am currently working on, so if money was no issue I would hire tons of students to help me find every nest, measure every baby, and catch every bird! I would love to purchase large stretches of degraded habitat, restore it into a prairie, then study the effects of the restoration. Because I love studying parental care and the development of baby birds, I would love to study colonies of seabirds that nest in the thousands on remote ocean islands!

Sarah Winnicki, passionate young scientist circa age 12. Photo by Paula Lozano

​What is your cultural background?
I am descended from Eastern European and German Catholic immigrants. 

Which socioeconomic group did you grow up in?
I grew up in the middle class in a relatively rural area.

Are you the first in your family to become a scientist?
Yes, but I am certainly not the last. My brother Joseph just graduated from Hiram College this year with bachelor's degrees in Math, Applied Computer Science, and Physics. My sister Anna is midway through her program at Heidelberg College, studying Biology and History with the intent of becoming a biomedical researcher or surgeon. My little sister Emily is planning on attending college to study archaeology/geology/anthropology. 

Did you see real life scientists when you were a kid?
I was very lucky as a kid because my parents brought me to many science museums and talks to interact with real life scientists (in addition to the scientists we watched on TV). When I was twelve I joined the Ohio Young Birders Club, which connected me with local birdwatching enthusiasts and ecologists studying birds and other natural systems. Through the OYBC I was able to actively take part in research experiences, conferences, and outreach, all before the age of 18!

Were many people in your family educated with college degrees?
Yes-- both of my parents have bachelor's degrees, though neither are scientists.

Did you have other friends or peers to talk to about science?
Certainly! Though I kept my love of birds to myself in middle and high school classes, I was part of a large and active birding club outside of school (the Ohio Young Birders Club) filled with 12-18-year olds as passionate about bird science as I was. In college I found groups of friends that shared my love of science (even if they weren't scientists themselves), and now I am part of a large and friendly graduate school community. 

Did you have a teacher in middle or high school that saw something extra in you?
I did! Mr. Cameron Flint was my history teacher and Academic Challenge (quiz-bowl) coach in high school. He taught me to critique sources careful and write strong papers, but more importantly he was interested in my success and well-being. He personally ensured that I made it to counseling and through some really rough points. I would likely have not been successful in high school without Mr. Flint.

Who were the least supportive people in your life? How did they act?
There were a handful of teachers in my middle school and high school who took issue with my gender presentation, my religious beliefs, and my future plans. I was told that women couldn't be scientists or told that I was "going to hell." I was told that my behavior would keep me from "finding a husband," as if that should be my goal. This sort of outright unsupportiveness was easy to fight, because it lit a fire in me and drove me to prove them wrong. Other forms of unsupportiveness were more insidious. Folks that should care for me instead subtly convinced me that I wasn't worthy of respect or of my accomplishments through small acts of passive aggression. While many people really stepped up when my mental illness made daily functioning problematic, others subtly insisted that I was faking it, that seeking help was a weakness, or that my problems were the result of my own lack of initiative. It has taken me a long time to heal that sort of damage!

Brown-headed Cowbird. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

​Can you give advice on what NOT to do when handling the stress of college and the job?
There is a fine balance between doing small things to keep yourself healthy (self-care! treat yo' self!) and abusing short fixes that ultimately don't help yourself in the long run (alcohol, spending sprees, etc.). Staying aware of that divide has proven to be important for me. I also have a tendency to think I can work hard and get myself through anything, which turns out isn't always the case! Instead of chugging those energy drinks and staying up too late, I recommend learning to be comfortable with not accomplishing something. Allow a deadline to be pushed back. Skip a session at a conference. Take a day off every once in a while. You cannot do good work if you aren't feeling well, so make yourself a priority, even when you feel like your work should come first!

​Can you tell us about a situation, whether in school or at work, that you could have handled better after thinking about it? What would you have done differently?
It turns out that leading a crew of folks through intense physical field work can be difficult! In the years that I have trained and led student crews there have been many times where I wasn't patient or thoughtful enough! I try now to always remember that everyone goes through life a little differently. Tasks that may seem easy to me may not be for others. Comments that I may not intend to be malicious may be experienced as such by those that work with me. My coworkers and friends may be going through things that I don't know about or understand. Having patience and approaching every situation with kindness and understanding can go a long way!

Konza Prairie. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

What was your lowest point?
[Content warning: self-harm/suicide/mental illness]
I live with chronic depression and bipolar disorder, which went un-diagnosed until the beginning of graduate school. I survived near-constant suicidal ideation in middle and high school only through the intense unwavering support of friends and teachers who often had to literally drag me to counseling or away from harm. My undergraduate career was marked by periods of intense depression (the can't-get-out-of-bed-to-save-your-life sort of thing) that could have seriously derailed my career. Multiple times I found myself in tears in office hours, trying to express why I couldn't function, to professors that not only understood what I was going through but also gave me options to continue my work and keep myself healthy. When I wasn't depressed I was manic-- going days without sleeping or eating, spending so many hours working in lab that I developed weird illnesses (like a deadly peanut allergy). I was proud of what I accomplished, but by my final semester of undergrad I was so sick that I cannot even remember what classes I was taking. I missed every end-of-the-year gathering, I stopped spending time with any of my friends, and I slept through my graduation. Thanks to the continued intervention of my mentors, friends, and psychiatric professionals I have taken much better care of myself in graduate school, but even with good medication and support mental illness doesn't go away. Luckily, my friends and colleagues help me recognize when I am doing poorly and are understanding when my health impedes my work.

​What coping mechanisms do you have that help you handle the stress of your job?
I talk a lot! I talk through my stressful problems with my colleagues, mentors, and science friends on Twitter. I keep a drawer in my office full of comfort food, and a drawer of stress balls and Silly Putty. I pet my cats or escape to the prairie to watch birds. If I find my science too exhausting, I try to reach out to school children through programs like Skype-A-Scientist, my local zoo, or on-campus outreach organizations, since talking to kids often reminds me of my own passion and joy for my research.

Dickcissel. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

Is there a single reason that you are passionate about your job? Or is it several things?
Lots of things! I really love birds-- I have been a birder since I was a child (I asked Santa for binoculars when I was two years old, apparently). Getting out to see birds every day is what I want to be doing anyway, so making it into a job is no problem at all. I also very much love teaching folks-- my career and my hobby are both the result of amazing mentors and teachers who convinced me that I could follow my passion and research the things I love, and I want to return that favor by teaching the same to the students and technicians I work with. Finally, I just really love puzzles. Finding these secretive birds and collecting data on them is quite a challenge, and even when we have the data the patterns aren't always obvious. The big "whys" keep me coming back to this same prairie and these same birds year after year.

What is your highest point so far?
I have been lucky to receive a fair amount of research funding, which is always awesome, but the most exciting award so far was the National Science Foundation's Graduate Research Fellowship. Well before I decided to become a scientist I had seen the fellowship advertised, and I remember trying to imagine what I would have to do to qualify for such a prestigious award. It was on my radar as I finished up undergrad, so I took the time to talk with folks who had won the award or reviewed applications in the past, and I was always met with expressions of doubt ("don't even bother applying unless you have a perfect GPA," "good luck, but don't bet on it!"). I wrote the application last minute in a busy semester, so I didn't have much hope it would succeed. By the end of my last semester, I was so burned out and depressed I was seriously doubting my abilities as a student and a scientist. I woke up one morning, barely able to get out of bed, and found the acceptance email in my inbox. I didn't tell anyone for a few days because I was so sure it was a prank. Being awarded this fellowship gave me not only funding for my master’s thesis, but also the confidence I needed to go into graduate school.

​​Please tell us about the thing you are most proud of accomplishing so far.
[Content warning: suicidal thoughts]
​I have been relatively successful so far in my short scientific career (in terms of grants, awards, and grades) but I am most proud of simply being here. My struggles with mental illness have been hard enough that at many times in my life I didn't anticipate even having a career or accomplishing anything at all. I am proud and grateful every day that I managed to pull through these times and live to a point where I can happily do what I love.

Sarah Winnicki in the Galapagos Islands. Photo by Kevin Loughlin

​What was the craziest location you have found yourself in?
​In 2012 I had the amazing opportunity to go to the Galapagos Islands as an intern with Wildside Nature Tours Inc., which was incredible! We slept on a small yacht and took dinghies to the islands to hike and snorkel! I also get to go to some pretty awesome locations for scientific conferences--in the last few years I have been to Nova Scotia, Arizona, Michigan, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, and Washington D.C., and within the next year I will be headed to Vancouver and Alaska! 

Sarah Winnicki and Squeaky. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

​What is your social life like?
I have a really supportive group of friends in the graduate school who work very hard to get me out of the house/office to watch movies, get food, go to the pool, find birds, and play soccer. I also have a wonderful group of friends around the country and the world that I connect with through social media and Skype.

What is your home like?
I rent a little house in Manhattan Kansas, which I share with my cats, my pet rats, and a lot of Star Wars action figures. 

Do you have any pets?
​Yes! I rescued two cats-- Bluestem (Blue for short), a delightfully devious tabby that would run the town if I ever let her outside, and Squeaky, a disabled calico Maine Coon mix that lives for cuddles. I have two charming rats that share cheese but not peanut butter fudge-- they are named Ashla and Bogan after moons from a Star Wars novel. I also have a tank full of African dwarf frogs and ghost shrimp that live in my office and keep me company when I write.

Sarah Winnicki and Grasshopper Sparrow nestling. Photo by Alice Boyle

If you identify as a minority, whether LGBT, a person of color, a religious or cultural minority, or differently-abled, can you tell us about how that was a facet of your experience becoming a scientist? 
​I identify as bi/pan-sexual, which luckily hasn't been very detrimental to my career thus far due to very supporting colleagues and universities. More problematic is my constant struggle with bipolar disorder. Even with a proper diagnosis and medications, chronic mental illness can be hard to deal with. Without medication I can be depressed for weeks, barely able to get out of bed, let alone get to work on time and finish all my tasks. When I am not depressed I am manic, barely able to sleep, eat, or concentrate enough to read. At times I am so ill I hallucinate people that aren't there, hear legitimate voices, or having panic attacks so severe I can't walk afterward. With medication, the side effects are sometimes as bad as the symptoms treated. I am often so tired I fall asleep in class, sometimes with an energy drink in hand and nine hours of sleep the night before. I faint in the mornings or when I am working. My hands shake so badly I cannot write. I have four or five night terrors a night, where I jump out of bed to confront intruders or demons or some other horrifying thing that doesn't exist (which is annoying when you live alone, but even more problematic when you are in a hotel for a conference or asleep on a plane). Just when you think you have everything worked out, a new stressor appears, or your schedule switches and you need to adjust the medications accordingly. 
Simply coming to terms with being mentally ill is hard enough. Admitting you are struggling can seem like a weakness, especially since you only need to admit it when things aren't going well. It became much easier for me last year when I broke my foot. A broken bone seems very simple--it is broken, you get an X-ray, you get a cast, and you wait for it to heal. As much as I wanted to charge full steam ahead with my field work, I knew that if I didn't take care of that broken foot there would be consequences down the road, so I let myself take the easier tasks. The shorter walks, the flatter surveys. My broken foot wasn't a weakness or a personal failing-- it was simply a medical problem that I had to deal with (and a mildly embarrassing one at that, since I broke my foot standing up off a couch.) But I realized that I didn't give myself the same courtesies for my mental illness. I tried so hard not to let it impede my work or define me that when I was feeling bad I would charge ahead and fight through it. But I wouldn't charge ahead with a broken foot-- I would give myself the space to heal. So now I try my best to treat my mental illness like any other medical problem. It isn't a weakness or a personal failing. It is simply something that I need to be aware of, something that isn't an embarrassment to acknowledge. It isn't shameful to not be able to do something because of a mental illness, just the same as it isn't shameful to not be able to do a full field day on a broken foot. With that in mind, I try to keep better care of myself. When I have bad days, I acknowledge it. If I'm suffering, I work to make it better, even if that means getting less work done. You can't do good science if you aren't doing well yourself! 

What advice would you give to others in a similar situation?
Be loud! It may seem counter intuitive--when I started my career I operated under the impression that my science should speak for itself (that there was no need to be open about my struggles because the science matters, not the scientist). But in the last few years I have learned that in most cases the opposite is true-- science is easiest when a scientist is happy, comfortable, and supported! I've learned to let others know when I am feeling badly and give myself the time and space to feel better without feeling guilty for making excuses. The more I talk about the things I am going through, the more I realize that my experiences can help others that are going through the same thing, can help folks understand perspectives they wouldn't otherwise realize, and can help me better come to terms with the obstacles that I am facing!

Sarah Winnicki being a scientist in a floofy dress. Photo by Alice Boyle

Can you give us an example of a time that you were treated in a sexist way in your job?
Fieldwork is often very physically demanding, which for some reason convinces folks that women aren't cut out for it. My team is almost always primarily female, and more than once we have had folks assume we couldn't do our work or assume that we weren't doing legitimate science ("are you ladies out looking at these lovely flowers?"). Sometimes it can be quite ironic-- one of my friends was told that women couldn't be scientists while she was leading a public science demonstration, and I was once asked if women could handle working outside while I helped an all-male crew light a controlled prairie fire. Fieldwork sexism can be especially dangerous when women are working alone or in remote places, but in my experience it always a little comical because *obviously* I can do the work! More problematic, in my experience, has been the indoor sexism. The times that only men are invited to be on panels. The times in which female-oriented questions or topics (how do you handle pregnancy and grad school? How does one do field work and menstruate?) are hushed. The times women are passed over for awards and promotions, though they put in tons of teaching and service hours. The times my colleagues are told that they are dressing too feminine or too distractingly for the office. My confidence in my first year of graduate school took a big hit when a professor told me I was "too chatty" to be able to do good field work because I talked a lot on a car ride (as if talking in a car has anything to do with how well I can find bird nests or write code? Plus, I had never heard a male colleague described as "chatty"). But overall, I have been very lucky-- Dr. Boyle is a model of confident female professionalism, and she runs a female-dominated lab where we can be comfortable being female and being professional scientists.

Can you give us an example of a time that you were pleasantly surprised that sexism did not come into play?
As a young scientist I operated under the assumption that ecology had a sort of dress code. Khaki shapeless pants, work boots, hat. This was fine with me, as that was my style anyway. In the last few years, however, I was lucky enough to room with an incredible scientist who also happened to have an excellent dress collection and makeup style. I've branched out-- in addition to the work clothes I will also wear floofy dresses and dye my hair pink (both of which would've killed high-school-aged me)! When I first started going to conferences and meetings in fancier clothes I anticipated getting comments about it (since many of my female colleagues have), but so far, I haven't had any problems! I've been pleasantly surprised. 

Sarah Winnicki lighting a controlled prairie fire. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

What advice would you give to a girl coming into a STEM field?
​Be passionate! Love what you do, and don't be afraid to do things simply because you love it. Get too excited about your favorite topics. Chat about them as much as you want. For too long I followed advice to "tone it down," as if caring about what I do is unprofessional. It is not, and my science is better because I love it. 
Claim what is yours and own it. We are taught to be humble and gracious, to play things off as if we are mildly embarrassed of how awesome we are, but you cannot expect someone to think you are the best if you yourself don't believe you deserve your accomplishments. Remember that your achievements don't have to be the same as other peoples'-- you don't need to have a perfect GPA, amazing math skills, or the best grasp of the periodic table to be a good scientist. If you don't do something well, you can always find collaborators that can do it and who will need your help on the things that they can't do well! 
As a Star Wars fan, I always remember to "do or do not, there is no try," which as a kid came across as the dumbest statement ever (how could you do something if you don't try, after all?) but as an adult helps guide my applications-- I won't say "if I get this position, I hope to pursue this topic..." or "I will try to collect those data" but rather "as a student in your lab, I would love to study this" or "I will do that." 
Don't be ashamed to mess up, whether it is writing a grant and not getting funding or guessing an answer to a teacher's question and getting it wrong in class. You can still be confident while making mistakes as long as you acknowledge it and try again! 

What advice would you give to parents to help prepare their child to go into the STEM field?
Let them run with it! Give kids the opportunity to pursue their interests to the fullest, even if it seems unprofitable or eccentric (kid likes dinosaurs? Let them do everything dinosaur as long as they possibly want). Connect them with professionals who study their interests. Twitter is full of scientists ready to chat with kids about their work-- all it takes is a tweet asking around! Local museums often have scientists working behind the scenes or in collaboration that love having kids (and adults!) interested in their work. The meetings don't have to be in person. Find scientists' webpages and write them an email! Write to authors of books that seem interesting! As a kid my parents pushed me into the hands of scientists online and in person, and many of those individuals are still my friends and colleagues today. 
Encourage curiosity. If your child asks a question and you don't know the answer, resist the temptation to guess or to quickly look it up for them. Get them to figure it out or ask an expert themselves! Not only does this teach research skills, it then allows a child to own the fact themselves and be proud of learning. Don't be afraid to look silly if you can't answer your kid's science question-- we scientists couldn't answer questions about your job either! 
Be very aware of the subtle ways you may be discouraging your young scientist. There is a tendency to use future goals in an almost threatening way to correct behavior, like "you need to work a little harder on your math problems if you want to be an engineer someday!" or "do you think scientists throw a fit because they weren't allowed to buy that plastic dinosaur?" You don't want them to internalize these little things and start to get these creeping doubts like "I didn't do well at all on this math test, is science really for me?" or "scientists don't show emotion!" Embrace the scientist in them instead, like "what a great job on that recipe, you would make a really great chemist!" or "what an excellent rock you found, let's see if we can find more information on it!"

Eastern Meadowlark. Photo by Sarah Winnicki

What worries you? Keeps you up at night?
As an ecologist, my primary concern is for ecosystem conservation. I worry constantly about the policy and practices that affect global climate and habitat health. It is hard going out to the prairie every day and seeing the repercussions of conditions that some folks don't even believe exist! It so often feels like we are shouting desperately into the void, with no effect at all. I'm pretty opinionated about local, national, and global politics, so I spend a lot of time worrying about other social issues as well, but I spend a whole lot of time thinking about the birds.

Do you have a large, overall goal for your lifetime of work?
Scientifically, I would love to contribute to a greater understanding of the evolution of bird behavior while also helping conserve threatened birds and their habitat. Personally, I just hope to find ways to always have fun doing research!
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Do you have a website we can check out? 
Yes! www.sarahwinnicki.com. All my social media links are on that page--feel free to contact me on any of them!


If a future scientist wanted to contact you, how could they do that?
Feel free to email me at skwinnicki@ksu.edu, or contact me through Twitter at @skwinnicki!